Co-sleeping Expert Puts the Record Straight

When I read John Rosemond’s article last week I knew his facts about sleep expert Dr McKenna were wrong (seems that is happening a LOT with articles discussing any aspect of AP at the moment). I am delighted to see McKenna has rebutted her…e http://cosleeping.nd.edu/controversies/in-response-to-john-rosemond/ and put the record straight. I use Dr McKenna’s work to support my views in my book, so I knew Rosemond’s article was full of falsehoods. I urge those writing about parenting issues to please check their facts because parents are listening!

What is Progressive Parenting?

‘The Shepherdess’ parenting philosophy is based on Progressive Parenting.  The progressive parenting theory has its roots in attachment theory, which was originally proposed by John Bowlby who stated that an infant has a tendency to seek closeness to another person and feel secure when that person is present. Attachment theory encourages parents to listen to their babies cues and respond. It argues that any training or controlling over a baby by following a routine (such as controlled crying or sleep training) is damaging to the child and the connection they have with their parents.   Backed up by the latest research in the fields of sociology, zoology, anthropology, child psychology, neurology and psycho-history, Progressive Parenting extends the AP philosophy past the early years, and argues that parents need to continue to follow their child’s cues and unique needs, avoiding all form of discipline and punishment including time-out, rewards, praise, shame, and smacking.

Every day I help parents who want to be more progressive in their approach to move away from control and closer to connection.  Is it easy?  No, not always –parenting is a tough gig no matter what style you adopt.  No denials here.  But what this approach does promise is more joy and harmony with your brood than you ever imagined possible.  Won’t kids end up as unruly monsters?  Let’s be clear here –  parents should keep their kids safe and encourage respectful, socially acceptable behaviour.  But there are ways to do that without being controlling to the extent that children don’t have choices and options.  Children are still learning and figuring out their world and to do that they don’t need their requests denied and to be punished when they make mistakes; they need guidance and feedback. They need information and support. They need patience. They need to be listened to, validated and respected. They need a supporter rather than a dictator, an ally not an adversary. A wing-man. A partner. A friend.  They need doors opened to them rather than closed. They need a guide, not a policeman. They need a shepherdess.

So I encourage you to come here and ask questions, share your stories, concerns, problems and tips with us and maybe I will use them in my next book!  Here’s to progressive parenting and more peaceful homes around the world!

- The Shepherdess

More Celebs Following Progressive Parenting Principles

More and more celebs are following progressive or attachment parenting principles. “Gossip Girl” star Kelly Rutherford and “Big Bang Theory” actress Mayim Bialik both made the headlines recently when they revealed publicly that they breastfed their toddlers; Rutherford even more so because she revealed her stance on the subject back in 2008. Bialik, who, in addition to being an actress and mother, is a neuroscientist, did extensive research on the subject and wrote a book about it: “Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way.”

“Brangelina” are allegedly ‘unschoolers’ and, along with Kevin Kline,  Kylie Bax and a host of others, they have openly admitted to co-sleeping with their kids for as long as they want. 

Angelina Jolie told Esquire magazine:  “Rightnow, Pax is sleeping in our bed. It’s kind of nice, him immediately knowing and feeling comfortable with us. Mad slept with me until Brad and I got together. They’re fun to sleep with. We have family sleep on Sundays. Everybody sleeps together.”

New Zealand model Kylie Bax told Woman’s Day magazine, after the birth of her second child, Dione Nefeli, “We have four people in the bed now!” (Her other child is daughter, Lito, 3.)

Kevin Kline, his wife Phoebe Cates, and their children, Owen, 16, and Greta, 13, still share a bed.  He told OK! Magazine,  “There is a theory that a child has to teach itself to go to sleep, and if every time it cries, you whisk them out of their bed — the jury is still out on that. But our kids still sleep in our bed”.

There are also a wealth of celebs caught on camera ‘wearing’ their babies, such as Julia Roberts and Naomi Watts,making the practice more acceptable.

The media, however, still depict extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping as “extreme” or “humorous”.  I loved the recent comedy Grown-Ups, but was pretty ticked off by the supposed joke about the older-than-average child still being breastfed by their mother as being crazy and unstable.  As a mother who tandem feeds a 3.5 year-old and a 2-year-old I don’t find it crazy, but totally natural and logical.  Hopefully, with more celebs following this parenting style the media might start portraying mothers following this style in a more positive light and not as a source of ridicule.

Co-sleeping Best For Kids up to Three-Years-Old

This article from The Daily Mail releases new research showing that co-sleeping is best for kids right up to ages three and four. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2054393/Bad-news-dads-Babies-share-mothers-bed-age-good-hearts.html

There is actually a wealth of research that I discuss in my book, to support co-sleeping, yet it rarely makes the headlines in the mainstream.  Most parents fear that co-sleeping and SIDS are interlinked and it simply isn’t true.  Unless you are grosly overweight, a smoker, or a heavy drinker/drug user the safest, and most desirable, place for your child is right by your side for as long as they want.   Many co-sleepers have a family room/bed that accommodates everyone – large and small.  Honestly, I find there really isn’t anything nicer than waking up with all my crew snuggled up together – BLISS!