Motherhood: The Most Important Job in the World

Newly married, I worked very hard to forge a successful career for myself. I wanted children, but it was important to me that I ‘had it all’. I couldn’t be ‘just a mum’, as I would have seen that as a failure. No, I had to be successful in my career and successful as a mother. How did I define success in motherhood at that time? Like most of my peers, I defined it as having well-behaved, high achieving children. After all, they would be a reflection of me and would show the world how good a job I was doing.
Over a decade and four children later I see things very differently now, and strongly believe our society needs to rethink the role of mothers. Mothering is often perceived as a ‘job-on-the-side’ of something more important, more glamorous and more worthwhile. It doesn’t help, of course, that today’s society makes it financially difficult for women to stay at home, but what could be more important than nurturing our children?
I think, given the choice and the education, many of us would prefer to be instinctive, nurturing mothers sometimes even without realising it. I wish all mothers had the opportunity to experience fully how rewarding it is to have children that we aren’t trying to train or mould, but are raising them with respect, love, and connection. Natural motherhood has grown on me, and it has been a journey. I have learnt and continue to learn so much about myself from being a mother. I have learnt so much about myself as a woman, a person and a citizen, and I am unrecognisable as the person I once
was and that’s okay. I feel truly honoured to be a mother – their mother – and I believe it is the most important job I will ever have. Nothing else even comes close. It never did and never will. When I come across people who have the very opinions I did all those years ago, I want to tell them how vital we mums are, what an important job we do, and how special and rewarding it is when we are free to do it our way by following our instincts and letting our children guide us. I also want to tell them how being ‘just a mum’ is in no way a failure but an amazing gift and more than enough in itself.  It’s not a sacrifice but an amazing blessing.
I am often asked why I wrote my book, The Shepherdess, and I answer by saying that I did it to celebrate motherhood and as a manifesto for change. I hope it will empower women to fully embrace being a mother and begin to trust themselves and their children. I hope that fathers and partners will learn something too about the importance of progressive parenting and being a supportive partner. With these insights, I hope people will  see positive changes in their family lives as they move further away from control and closer to the connection that all humans thrive on and deserve. – Chaley.

Spoiling My Babies Since 2010

This article is contributed by guest blogger, Maranda Russell, Aprons and Ink.

Nap time is “Mom-Time” isn’t it?  At least, that’s what mainstream parenting tells us.  You rock your baby, lay him/her down (if you’re lucky you achieve that elusive goal of getting your toddler to nap too) and you’re finally “free” to clean, sleep, do whatever is expected of you because, at last, your kids are out of your hair. It’s yourtime.As an attachment parent, I even believed this. In the few, tired weeks after my second daughter was born I cried and agonized in frustration over this projected sleep-time goal.  My 2 year old, who is a busy ball of energy, would bounce and jump and giggle from her crib- while my newborn would shriek the moment her little body touched our co-sleeping bed.  I was a naptime failure.

Then I had a thought, “Why am I killing myself to follow the traditional parenting rules? Why not just listen to my children and follow their lead?”

Fast forward eight months.  My energetic toddler lays on the floor flipping through the pages of her favorite book. Sprawled in my arms and across my belly is a napping 8-month-old.  Oblivious to the occasional cheer of glee from her sister- just sweetly suckling milk and dreaming in my arms.  The house is a mess, there are dirty dishes in the sink and diapers to be washed- but these two hours are mine. Why would I even try to lay her down?  What in the world is more important than this?

Don’t be in a rush to parent the way you’re supposed to.  Take the time to listen to what your children are communicating.  Once you really hear them- what could be sweeter than attending to their needs? Maybe that mothering swear word, “spoiled” is exactly what their tender hearts require.

Breastfeeding: Are we suffering from ‘failure-acceptance’?

An interesting and very brave article here about ‘failure acceptance’ for breastfeeding women. My opinion: that most women, if they were properly educated on the benefits, would never consider formula and would perservere harder during the rough times with breastfeeding. However, the reality is that when things don’t go well the medical profession commonly spout inaccurate information and produce fear in mothers that leads them to turn to the bottle. ABA and LLL should be the first port of call when things get difficult. For the minority who do turn to the bottle because it is ‘easier and they have other priorities’, I would say there is nothing more important than your baby and meeting their needs. A baby needs the breastfeeding relationship for attachment and nutrition. What do you think?